Questions, questions...

As a parent, there are lots of questions likely to drive you up the wall.

As a parent, there are lots of questions likely to drive you up the wall - like “Why?”, on repeat, or “Are we nearly there yet?”.

But, in my experience, it’s the questions from other adults that are the most annoying.

“Are you pregnant with number two yet?” asked a friend the other day. I think this has to rate as one of the most stupid questions ever.

Firstly, if I am pregnant with number two and I haven’t told you, there’s a reason for that. Secondly, if I’m not pregnant with number two that could be for any number of reasons: miscarriage, failure to conceive, or perhaps just that I don’t want another child.

Any which way, if I wanted you to know, I’d have told you. Otherwise, you’re safe to assume it’s none of your damn business. And don’t even get me started on the “yet”.

Ahh, that feels better - a problem shared is a problem halved and all that. Which is why I know you won’t mind if I provide you with a few more questions not to ask parents:

1) How does he/she sleep?

If they’re a good sleeper, we’ll tell you. It’s all we’ll talk about. If they’re not, we’re going to struggle to answer even the simplest of questions on the back of our “condensed sleeping” routine. Steer clear;

2) Have you thought about trying x/y/z?

The answer is either yes, and it’s not right for us - or no, because it’s a stupid suggestion. Jog on;

3) What are you up to this evening?

You make me feel like I should have maintained some sort of nocturnal life, when I’d really rather be home for my child’s bedtime and then put my feet up on the sofa. Please desist.