The nation's top ten comedy films? Huh, they got that one wrong!

Which is hardly surprising. I mean, has anyone ever actually asked you what your favourite fruit, vegetable, flavour of yoghurt, make of socks, breakfast cereal, cat food blah, blah, blah is? No, nor me either. Which is why these surveys always come out wrong.

Take the latest survey which confidently tells us that Mrs Doubtfire is the UK's favourite comedy movie of all time. It isn’t. It really isn’t – even if the survey boasts that its findings are “according to new national research.”

Apparently 17 per cent of us rank Mrs Doubtfire at the top of the pile. I doubt it. Especially when you see that the real number one has been shamefully shuffled down to number two as a result. Can we really believe that Monty Python’s Life Of Brian secured only 14 per cent of the votes? No. So I think we can dismiss this particular survey straight away. After all, my own survey has just shown that Life Of Brian is actually number one, securing a staggering, indeed almost unbelievable 100 per cent of the votes. Admittedly, I was the only person I asked. Even so, the disparity is difficult to account for.

Just think about it, and it really isn’t a contest at all. Just think of those sublime scenes from those comic genius minds. Everyone will have their favourite Life Of Brian moment, but as soon as you announce it, half a dozen others, just as good, will crash in: the rebels being forced to correct their ungrammatical graffiti; the rebels reluctantly conceding “all that the Romans have done for us”; poor Brian giving his supporters an eyeful when he wakes up in the morning; the hilarity of “Release Roger!”… I could go on and on. And often do. And then there is the enduring appeal of Michael Palin’s sweet kindly guard overseeing the executions with his “Crucifixion? Good. Out of the door. Line on the left. One cross each.”

But the point is that it wasn’t just comedy of the highest order. It was the daring of it. It was the impact it had. It was the debates it provoked. And it was the fact, rather excitingly, that it was a Beatle who made it possible, the late, great Mr Harrison. This was comedy that booted back the barriers, completely smashing them; comedy that provoked, probably offended (well, certainly offended) but comedy which above all enriched. And at the heart of it all was a brilliant mix of wordcraft, wizardry and mischievousness.

My favourite scene? Well, it’s easy. And all because of the precise circumstances in which I happened to be watching it that day. I was living in France at the time, popped into Paris and happened to see that Life Of Brian was being shown VO in an arty little cinema just by the Seine. VO is what you look for. Version originale ie subtitled and not dubbed. But it wasn't long before the sheer untranslatability of the film – and of the comedy in particular – was clunkingly, painfully obvious. This was comedy of such a brilliance that the translation made you realise how uniquely English it was – in precisely the same way an equally brilliant French comedy would be uniquely French. It was comedy so unique to its own country’s psyche that no other language could capture it. Remember the plot to kidnap Pilate’s wife and that underground altercation? In the confrontation one character says to another “Well, tough titty for you, Fish Face.” The French subtitle duly came up “Tant pis pour toi, mon vieux” – “too bad for you, old chum.” Hardly the same, is it? The non-English speakers in the audience weren’t exactly rolling around in the aisles in that moment. It was a fabulous exchange, the genius of Monty Python underlining the infinite subtlety and beauty of our language, but it fell flat in the darkness all around me… though it is, of course, perfectly possible that I was the only person there that day. But it’s that moment, more than any other, that confirms for me – all 100 per cent of me – that Monty Python’s Life Of Brian is the UK's favourite comedy movie of all time. Well, mine at least.

As for that official survey, if you’d like to disagree with it too, its full results are Mrs Doubtfire (17%); Monty Python’s Life Of Brian (14%); Airplane! (13%); Elf (10%); The Hangover (9%); Meet The Parents (8%); The Naked Gun (7%); The Blues Brothers (7%); Hot Fuzz (6%); and Shaun Of The Dead (6%). And do disagree, please. After all, that’s actually the point of a survey, isn’t it. This one was carried out by Showcase Cinemas and let’s give them credit: presumably their sole aim was to get people ranting just like wot I did. To see what’s screening and to book your tickets, visit the Showcase Cinemas website here: https://www.showcasecinemas.co.uk/