This one's For Your Eyes Only, Chroniclers, so read up

This one's For Your Eyes Only, Chroniclers, so read up. After all, You Only Live Twice. If you're On Her Majesty's Secret Service, you're The Man With The Golden Gun, or if you were The Spy Who Loved Me, then you were at the world's largest defence and security exhibition in London last month. If you're none of the above, you possess no Licence To Kill and the mere thought of being a spy scares The Living Daylights out of you, then you weren't at the expo and you're unaware of the coolest new spy gadget currently on the market - a coffee cup.

Q unveiled his disposable coffee cup and the world gasped and cooed, for inside the cup was something even more amazing than a latte. Not an Octopussy, nor a Thunderball, but a high definition pinhole camera and some seriously sophisticated sound-recording equipment. The device is activated by using your Goldeneye to locate the letter H on the lid (which stands for "hot", naturally) and depressing the button with your Goldfinger. Omit the film titles and it's still terribly 007, don't you think?

There are no poison darts or flame-throwers built into the cup, so the baddie will have to Die Another Day but that's fine because Tomorrow Never Dies. The cup records from 15ft away, so A View To A Kill is unnecessary, and although it looks like a takeaway coffee, one should probably not throw it away after just one use. It'll last a while but only Diamonds Are Forever.

The police requested new covert equipment as most of their spy toys are easily recognisable to benefit-cheats, baddies, and Dr.No. LawMate UK answered the call to arms and they distribute the cups, not from Casino Royale, but from an industrial estate in Cornwall. Not very James Bond, but at least they're not From Russia With Love.

So far, they've sold about 100 units so they're not exactly flying off the shelves, but next time you see a devilishly handsome chap cradling a paper cup and aiming the lid at you, you won't be able to help yourself wondering.

Store detectives and private investigators have placed orders for the cups which are available to every M, Q, and 00 for whom The World Is Not Enough. They're far cheaper than a Moonraker and they won't make the Skyfall or haunt you with the Spectre of the Quantum Of Solace you once had - it's just a coffee cup with a camera and dictaphone inside. And since you asked, it's got to be Roger Moore. Disagree? Live And Let Die. And yes, that was every film. All 24 of them.