The Lazy Journalist on the horrors of heartburn

One bag of chilli-flavoured crisps too many?  An Indian Sikh performs fire-breathing during a religious procession to mark Hola Mohalla.  Photo by Shammi Mehra/AFP/Getty Images)
One bag of chilli-flavoured crisps too many? An Indian Sikh performs fire-breathing during a religious procession to mark Hola Mohalla. Photo by Shammi Mehra/AFP/Getty Images)

It’s a little known fact that an unpleasant number of unpleasant middle-aged men will, in their lifetimes, drink more anti-indigestion liquid than they will beer.

This uncomfortable truth will haunt the waking nights of all too many old duffers who couldn’t resist a cold, refreshing alcoholic drink after daylight hours, and, despite their increasing years, didn’t have the good sense to avoid the types of spicy or rich food that clearly don’t do them any favours.

Steve Holloway

Steve Holloway

The Lazy Journalist isn’t entirely free from the above foibles, and over the years has glugged the odd bit of Gaviscon, and eyed with avarice the huge bottles prescribed to pregnant friends .

Anything which fights against the vile sleep-slaying beast of heartburn has been enlisted.

That said, it’s possible to make small changes to the less than blameless lifestyle to avoid a personal dyspepsian dystopia.

In recent years your greedy correspondent has tried to limit the number of late-night meals, something which is a big help in the battle against the ‘burn.

Similarly, all over the world, sufferers of acid-reflux will have supported superstar footballer and Real Madrid Galatico Gareth Bale in his stance against the Spanish tradition of having your evening meal at a ridiculous time of night.

A teammate criticised Bale for not attending a team dinner which begun at 10.15pm, Bale told them he’d be asleep by 11.

Whilst the Lazy Journalist is not comparing himself to a world-class athlete, good for Gareth for digging his studs in.

Far from raiding down the wings of La Liga’s finest it hasn’t been a great couple of weeks at this end.

The changing of the seasons has led to the sad realisation that instead of increasing exercise personal levels, I’ve mostly increased my intake of crisps, and have behaved as if a Brexit deal will result in the complete abolition of cheap deep-fried snacks (please tell me it won’t).

Progress has once more been steady but unspectacular at the gym (this sentence hasn’t been cut and pasted from a previous week but obviously it could have been).

The relatively new practice of slow but steady CV exercise is still going well and I’ve put in a few appearances at the Prince Regent but it’s been rather perfunctory.

It’s time to enlist the help of the professionals again. Freedom Leisure’s fantastic fitness manager Ryan is likely to receive a call for help in the coming days, and it’s time to put down the crispies and do some hard yards around town and in the gym.

To find out more about Freedom Leisure’s gyms visit www.freedom-leisure.co.uk