Brighton Pavilion’s Independent General Election Candidate Bob Dobbs

Brighton and Hove residents will go to the polls on December 12 to elect their Members of Parliament. For a full list of candidates visit our website.

Monday, 2nd December 2019, 9:43 am
Bob Dobbs, Independent woi51S09kULtZB686eIW

Bob Dobbs, Independent, Brighton Pavilion

1) Get Brixit Done! Brighton’s independence from Hove to be decided by a local referendum, options will be...

a) Hard Brixit: Total Independence

b) Soft Brixit: ‘and hove’ to be written much smaller than BRIGHTON.

c) Beef Brixit: Hove to be written in comic sans.

d) Remain: keep the status quo for all you Hove-lovers.

2) Nationalise Greggs

3) Abolish the Monarchy and peerages for everyone. Queen’s Xmas message to be replaced with a video of Andrew being locked in a cell with some ‘unbecoming’ types.

4)A cap on irrigation: They’re literally flooding, flooding everywhere. Enough’s enough.

5) Trolling to be taught in school. Our homegrown trolling is dreadful, terrible grammar and spelling. We gotta keep up with them Russians

6)Alan Sugar Tax: Sugar to get his own taxband at 99% of income.

7) Beard tax: Sorry chaps, but they’re a luxury item. Bob doesn’t have one, enough said. The fact that Dobbs is heavily invested in Bic and Gillette is purely coincidental.

8) VAR to be introduced into the House of Commons: Fact-checkers behind the scenes will call out any bull.

9) Instagram Influencers and YouTubers to be criminalised.

10) The creation of Ian Duncan-Smith Day: To celebrate everything the man himself has done for the country, he’ll be marched through the streets of London, naked. With crowds chanting “Shame Shame” and regularly beating him with sticks. Possibly monthly.

Local initiatives like “Make Moulescoomb a tax haven” were scrapped when we realised people couldn’t vote for Dobbs there.