Roses, violets, offers, and profits

It's that time when every shop exploits its tenuous link to what is essentially a religious celebration.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sick buckets at the ready,

It's Valentine's Day again.

It's that time of year when every shop in the city exploits its tenuous link to what is essentially a religious celebration.

From cheap chocolates and petrol-station flowers, to mix-tapes, balloons and a cuddly toy - it's like a modern-day Generation Game. There are profit margins to be made for every type of retailer; gone are the days when Clintons and Thorntons had the monopoly.

Not ones to miss out on an exploitative opportunity, let's discover the coffee-themed trinkets available for your betrothed.

For that potentially tremendously-awkward first date, a coffee shop is a safe bet: good atmosphere, cheap drinks, and there's no such thing as coffee goggles.

To make your card less disappointing for the recipient, you could enclose a gift voucher for coffee - perhaps with enough funds for drinks for two. Fingers crossed they don't ask Steve from accounts instead.

A bag of coffee is always a winner and only has slightly-creepy connotations that you're expecting it with your breakfast the morning after.

For the lady or gent whom you've already successfully made yours, a gift is rather unnecessary. Just make comments about the over-commercialisation of the day detracting from the simplicity of good old-fashioned love.

If you're still on the hunt for Mr/Ms Right, there is a gift for every budget within the world of coffee. So take advantage of the only time of year when your amorous generosity won't be misconstrued as sexual harassment.

Happy Valentine's Day, Chroniclers!